Valdez Threatens Coffee Sanction on White House in Wake of Recent Immigration Disputes

Washington, D.C. - In the wake of the recent "Immigration War," as dubbed by the ratings-minded CNN, coffee mascot Juan Valdez (no relation to the Exxon Valdeez) has threatened to boycott the White House, and eventually all of the United States, of his trademark Colombian coffee - rumored to be a favorite morning drink of first lady Laura Bush.

Responding to the remarks, a steadfast President Bush stated: "If Juan think's he's scarin' me with this, then he thinks he needs to think again. I'll just go ahead and open the U.S. coffee reserve - the U.S. has a coffee reserve that will last us plenty of time ... at least 10 days. Like oil."

Defiantly, Bush went on to remark that the U.S. does not negotiate with terrorists. When prompted as to what exactly his comment's intended meaning was, Bush replied that as an "outsider," Valdez is considered to be on accompanied with the axis of evil "until proven otherwise by means of phone taps."



While the embroiled Bush hunkers down in his oval, coffee-less White House, fending off an onslaught of hotbed issues that have plagued his presidency since re-election and have resulted in the lowest presidential approval ratings since Richard Nixon, a criminal, Juan Valdez continues to tread onward with this faithful donkey, Diego. Another high-powered battle of supremacy involving 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. appears inevitable, this time between Bush and a coffee mascot.