Intel Excited About New VP of Finance, Flava Flav

Bear Tooth, WA - Tech giant Intel announced this morning that it is bringing aboard a new Vice President of Finance: Flava Flav, reality show sub-star of multiple VH1 anomalies ("The Surreal Life," "Flava of Love") and former gangsta rap quasi-bad boy of public enemy, known more for his flashy dental work than this intimidating 5'1", 87 lb. presence.

So why would an established market giant take such a risky venture? That's what Intel shareholders are dying to know - some choosing to dump their entire stakehold in the company before waiting around to find out.



"We're looking to diversify our board room," says Intel CEO Dan Danielson, "and Flav will certainly 'bring the noise' in that regard, if I may." You may not, Mr. Dan Danielson.

When asked to comment on his hopes for the new position, Flav only had this to say: "FLAVA FLAAAAV!" - his trademark, schizoid self-nickname shout known to follow-up hot tub jaunts with women and the completion of a multi-course meal before excusing himself from the table. When asked for a follow-up to his insightful response, the frazzled pop-culture product rhymingly replied, "It's like this, ya know what I'm sayin'? If the heat can raize the roof, ya ass betta get on fire or else get out the damn kitchen and that's the troof."

When confronted with that same quoted diction of his new VP of Finance, Danielson's only response was a seemingly falsified chuckle and a quick "Oh, that Flav!" At least Danielson won't have to worry about Flav being late to the board meetings since he wears a near-grandfather-style clock around his neck on a daily basis.