Political Analysts Suggest Makeover for Marijuana Activists

Blunt Hills, CA - Responding to a recent rally for the legalization of marijuana, a team of political analysts from Washington, D.C. has offered a report that critiques the image credibility of the movement's figureheads and offers "makeover" suggestions that would boost the political clout of the "weed renaissance."



"Nobody is going to take your cause seriously when you present yourself in outrageous costumes in order to 'campaign,'" suggests Oliver Whitley, co-author of the report. "If Donald Trump showed up to a billion-dollar real-estate deal wearing a Captain America costume with his eyes blooshot while holding a sign made out of cardboard that read 'Close this Deal,' the deal would be off within ten seconds of him entering the room," suggests Whitley.



Whitley's point is well-taken. Many U.S. Senators have made similar comments, stating that they've read the facts of the drug, they've weighed the pros and cons, but are ultimately dissuaded by the appearance of the movement's presenters. Generally, men in orange body paint or men on stilts with "weed wings" on their back offer little credibility on capital hill. That's why Whitley and his co-authors are suggesting an overhaul.



"People won't listen to you until you at least are willing to meet them halfway. Men in suits run the government so it logically follows that, if you want to talk to govermental figureheads, you should throw a suit on," offers Whitley, "and NOT one made out of hemp by Star-Rabbit, your life-partner."



But weed activists seem to take the argument offered by Whitley and his colleagues with deaf ears. "No way, man," says 'J- 2000,' a self-proclaimed weed-rights supporter (right). "We, like, aren't going to conform to, like, what The Man wants us to do, and (expletive), because, like, that's what weed is all about, you know?, like, not hangin' out with The Man. If The Man wants to help us, he can come to us and smoke up, you know what I'm sayin'?"



Whitley retorts that people like J-2000 are exactly what is holding the legalization of marijuana back. "What is he even saying with that response?" asks Whitley. "Literally, I do not understand what he meant." Neither does The Man.