Man Sticks to Adult Diaper, Despite Loss of Friends

Rainer, MS - Tom Johnson was sick. Sick and tired of being interrupted 2-3 times daily with natural bodily functions. So he did something about it.

"Normally adult diapers are reserved for the sick, infirmed or elderly," says a confident Johnson, "but I said, heck, why let them have all the fun?!" That's right, Johnson went to his local K-Mart and did the unthinkable: he bought a 6-pack of Depends adult underguards and never looked back.

"Most of my friends think I'm crazy and won't be seen with me," says Johnson, "but they'll come around. They'll see all the time I'm saving."

So what, you ask, is so valuable a use of time that it would prompt a 38-year-old who lives with his parents to dismiss his ability to use the bathroom? "I'm a professional fantasy football player," harkens a defiant Johnson. "People pay me to put together and manage their teams, sometimes for a league that has a money prize, other times because they just want to be the big stuff around the water cooler that Monday at work." And that's so precious a vocation that one must soil himself in order to perform the job? "Basically it's a minute-to-minute thing sometimes. There's trade deadlines, injury reports that refresh every ten seconds. I'm not even going to tell you what I had to do during the two-days of drafts." Thanks for keeping that one to yourself Tom.