“Fridge” Announces Retirement From Competitive Eating

SPECIAL GUEST POST FROM N. HAYWARD


Aiken, SC - William “Refrigerator” Perry, the former professional football star turned competitive eater, abruptly announced his retirement from the sport today at a diner in Aiken, South Carolina.

According to an eyewitness account, Perry wedged himself into a corner booth at approximately 3:00 p.m. and summoned a server. After taking Perry’s order, the server returned with a bowl of grits and a double order of corned beef hash. When the server expressed concern at the relatively small order, Perry broke down, saying that he no longer had an interest in consuming large quantities of food for money. He also expressed resentment at “that damn skinny Japanese guy,” an apparent reference to competitive eating champion Takeru Kobyashi (right).


The announcement brought an abrupt end to Perry’s latest career. A first round draft pick of the Chicago Bears in 1985, Perry instantly became one of the National Football League’s biggest stars thanks to his defensive prowess and chubby charm. After retiring from football, Perry turned to boxing (directly below, left),

ultimately losing to Manute Bol in a made for television boxing exhibition. Perry entered competitive eating in 2003 and participated in the Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July International Hot Dog Eating Contest that year, dropping out after consuming four hot dogs in five minutes.

“The sport has lost one of its true icons,” said Richard Shea, co-founder of the International Federation of Competitive Eating, in a prepared statement. “The peak popularity our sport now enjoys was fostered in large part by Mr. Perry. He will be missed.”

Unconfirmed reports late yesterday indicated Perry had entered into negotiations with Fox Television to star in a new reality series, “Crash Dieting With Celebrities.” Messages with Fox executives went unanswered. Additional speculation has focused on Perry either joining the military (below left) or returning to his previous employment as a bricklayer (below right).