Neutrogena Takes on Keith Richards Challenge

Liverpool, U.K. - After wowing the crowd at Super Bowl American Waistline (XL), the Rolling Stone(d) Keith Richards has signed a new deal to be the front man of an age-defying cream for Neutrogena. Neutrogena stockholders are heading for the exists after the announcement from corporate executive Wendy Colmes.

"Keith has rocked an entire generation for several generations," said Colmes, "and now those people are getting into that upper age bracket. Those are the consumers we want, so we need to reach out and appeal to them."

Critics have commented that perhaps Dolly Parton, Billy Joel, or even the late Marvin Gaye would have been more appealing spokesman for the target niche of the new product.

"We recognize that the task ahead of us is large," said a defiant Colmes, "but we have enough confidence in our new cream that we feel turning the drug-laiden, perpetually strung-out-looking Richards into a rejuvinated sex symbol won't really be all that much of a challenge."



Shares of Neutrogena dropped some 340% following the announcement. Apparently company investors aren't waiting around to find out the results. Oh well, Neutrogena, you can't always get what you want.