Bush, Rumsfeld threaten to "unleash" Bigfoot on Iraqi Insurgents

Washington, D.C. - In a press conference earlier this morning, United States President George W. Bush hinted that if the circumstances of the Iraqi war called for it, he would not hesitate to use the force of the popular fleet of monster trucks known as "Bigfoot" to "quash the infidels."

"Those turban-heads have to realize what they're up against," said the President before adding, "and they're up against a whole lotta whoop ass. Bigfoot would show them who's the boss."

Bigfoot is known among its following of Busch-drinking, shotgun-bearing citizens as the orginal "monster" truck. It was the brainchild of an autoparts specialist in Hazelwood, MO with a little too much time on his hands and hankering for "crushin' stuff" and "makin' loud noises." The idea grew into a fleet of 14 trucks that make international tours where they crush stuff and make loud noises to the boisterous cheers of hillbilly children with monosyllabic names.

The owner of the fleet said that he would dedicate his entire 14-truck force to the war is the President called upon him, mainly because "He loves his country" and because "them Iraqis couldn't touch 'em."

"I've gotten a lot of flack for sendin' the troops over there without properly armed hummers and inadequate personal shielding," said Bush, "but with Bigfoot, we wouldn't even have to worry about that since no it would just drive over them [land]mines and not even notice." In an upsetting final comment before concluding the press conference, Bush joked about his own previous shortcomings: "We couldn't find weapons of mass destruction, so we're bringin' in our own: Bigfoot."