Man Excited Over New 'Stache

Ithaca, NY - Graduate student Nick Hayward (bottom center) told reporters Monday that he was "pretty doped up" on his new look: a mustache in class white trash fashion.

"This should really get me in with some ladies," said the student in Urban Planning and Historic Preservation.

That won't be all the new look will get him into. With the addition of his top-lip facial hair, Hayward can expect a total change in lifestyle. According to Dr. Nahil Gupta (above right), professor of mustache science at the University of Pennsylvania, Hayward will likely be attending Nascar events with greater frequency, patronizing bars with the words "hole" or "wheel" in the title, and shooting off firearms for personal enjoyment. Gupta also mentioned the possibility of participating in "mustache rides" that should enliven Hayward's social life. "I'm def' lookin' forward to givin' some 'stache rides!" said an excited Hayward, already noticably partaking in the apostrophied vernacular of the 'stache lifestyle.

"The 'stache changes everything," said Gupta. I just hope he's ready for it.