Gene Shalit Found Bathing in New York City Water Supply

New York City, NY - New York City Water Reclamation District authorities have mandated a boil order for both Bronx and Brooklyn burroughs after officials observed film critic Gene Shalit grooming his beard and "hair-covered, naked body" in a reservoir near 152nd Street earlier today.

"That was disgusting," said Linda Florentino, a eyewitness to the naked film critic's public display of hygiene. Officials are uncertain how long the boil order will be in place, though according to Chuck Stillster, director of the New York Public Works, the likelihood of bacterial contamination from Shalit's endeavor are "profoundly great" due to "high levels of mucosal and flatulent residue" that have come back from priliminary testing. "I can't think of anything worse than washing my silverware with particulate matter from Gene Shalit's fecies wedging themselves in-between the tines of my fork," said Stillster.

Allegations that Shalit's pubic area was groomed in a bushy mustache style that mirrored his facial hair are unconfirmed as of yet.