Music Industry Confused by Recent Steven Seagal Project

Tacoma, WA - Music critics are dumfounded by the news of a second album being released by, that's right, Steven Seagal: the C-rate action-movie sub-star, more infamous for his bouts with domestic abuse and audio clip bumblings about his Buddhist beliefs than for his artistic talent in any genre, let alone music.

But Seagal is out to prove the doubters wrong - like he proved the Chinese Mafia wrong in his 2003 movie "Out for a Kill."



"Music is very musical for me," said a misty-eyed Seagal, fighting back tears like he fought back the European terrorists in "Black Dawn" in 2005 (only this time there was 1 lb. of facial foundation makeup at stake). "I've always been into guitars, and what not," claimed Seagal.

But music proponents, seeking to preserve the integrity of music in general, aren't so quick on the rogue ninja's one-man bandwagon. "This is just a stunt to make more money off of his name," says Tony Dubbly of People Against Bad Action Movie Actors in Music (PABAMAIM), a grassroots music saving organization.



Dubbly has his work cut out for him. "Mojo Priest," Seagal's 2006 follow-up to his 2005 album "Songs from the Crystal Cave" is rumored to be full of hard-hitting tracks and guitar riffs that are alleged to "blow you away." "Songs from the Crystal Cave" even featured Stevie Wonder on one track - though "perhaps marking the downtrodden career of Wonder more so than the upsloping career of Seagal," says Dubbly. " 'Mojo Priest'! Is he serious?!? Who buys this crap!?!," exclaimed Dubbly, clearly frustrated with the American consuming public.

"Mojo Priest" hits the shelves May 23.