Cheerleader Past Makes Bush Extra-Macho?

Washington, D.C. - In response to recent heckling at a White House press conference in which the culpable heckler slurred Bush for his high school cheerleading past at Andover, Massachusetts, the White House issued a statement early this morning that claims Bush's cheerleading past makes him "extra macho" and "still more qualified to lead the world's most powerful country."



Allegations that the statement was encouraged by the homo-phobic Dick Cheney, who does have a lesbian daughter, have gone unconfirmed as of yet. However, critics feel that the argumentative and accusatory language of the statement is largely that of Cheney, who has previously commented that he does not want to be associated with a "non-Balls-to-the-Wall administration" and is believed to have coined the term "Bush League" as associated with the current presidency.



The statement goes on to mention in detail that Bush's choice of cheerleading was a distinct and calculated measure to avoid the "evils of homoeroticism" that are "rampant in professional sports today." The statement then went on to cite such examples as the butt-pat, the post-game hog-pile and wrestling as a whole.



"President Bush did not want to have his staunch masculinity subjected to confusion," read newly appointed White House Press Secretary Tony Snow from the statement, just after making sure to clarify for the media that although secretarial positions are typically associated with females, his is exceptional for its association with the White House.



Feminist and non-gender critics are already up in arms over the recent events, claiming that this recent release is yet another means of neo-conservatives desegregating against groups and individuals who are slightly different than themselves and that Bush is only making such outrageous claims because of his own inability to obtain athletic prowess.



When asked to comment, First Lady Laura Bush responded that she found the President's cheerleading past as "sexy, kinda," but made no comment about a possible relation between George W.'s cheerleading history and his refusal to let his daughters cheerlead while in high school.



Further allegations of George W. feeling inferior because of his having to cheer for his brother Jeb, a football star, are rumored to be developed in a forthcoming unauthorized biography: "The Cheerleader in the Oval Office."