New Kids On The Block Announce Tour Sponsor

New York, NY - Fresh off of their less-than-stellar re-debut on the Today Show last week, New Kids on the Block (or "NKOTB" for their acronym-loving fans) have announced that their summer 2008 tour will be sponsored by Ben Gay, the pain-reliever cream frequently used by aging adults.



After some initial attempts to procure a more youthful sponsor, the New Kids realized that they had to be true to themselves - and their fans. The oldest member and most forgettable member, Jonathan Knight, does, after all, turn 40 later this year. "We were trying to come with something fresh and funky, but yet that our fans, both old and new, can still identify with," says Jonathan, "and Ben Gay was the most logical answer."



Rumors that Ben Gay was the only company to submit a sponsorship bid have yet to be verified. Regarding the sponsorship bidding process: "That shit is confidential," says Donnie Wahlberg, the "hard ass" New Kid and less-successful brother of Mark Wahlberg (the actor, not the day time television personality).

"Making good music for as long as we've been doing it, is not easy," states a giddy Joey McIntyre. "And when it comes down to it, yeah, we are getting old, yeah, we do have kids, yeah we don't have jobs, no, we don't have money, and yeah, our bodies do hurt a little more now than they did 15 years ago when this roller coaster ride started. Which is why Ben Gay is the best possible sponsor for us."

With an aging fan base, a struggling economy with high gas prices, and a significant lack of new, catchy tracks, all the factors are aligned against the New Kids - but that's how they like it. "We've had our backs against the wall for our lives, you know what I'm sayin'?" responds Wahlberg. "Can't nobody keep us down, we is just doing what our fans demand from us." Hopefully Ben Gay is providing NKOTB with enough tubes of their product to make it through the summer.